CHILDREN’S REACTION
TO DIVORCE
INFANTS TO 2 YEARS
A.
Largely
unaware of divorce and often unaffected if primary nurturing adult
remains consistent.
B.
2-year-old
children may react negatively (see next item).
2 TO 4 YEARS
A.
Regress, revert to diapers and being fed.
B.
Some experts say that removal of the opposite sex
parent may be detrimental to sexual development.
C.
Removal of same sex parent (with whom the child
may have been in unconscious competition) may cause the child to fear he
actually “wished” the parent away.
D.
Fantasy of parents remarrying combined with
attempts to reunite parents (i.e., joining their hands together).
3 TO 6 YEARS
A.
Feelings of
fear, helplessness and instability.
B.
Regression to infant-like behavior
C.
Problems with sleeping and eating
D.
Failure to understand divorce due to rigid views
of Family as 2 parents and children
E.
Wonders: “How can a parent love a child and
leave the family?”
F.
Fears: “if one parent left, maybe the other one
will, too.”
G.
“Me” centered developmental stage leads to
feelings of guilt. These feelings are
often stronger at this age than others but may persist unless faced and
conquered.
6 TO 8 YEARS
A.
An
especially critical stage.
B.
Fears starvation and abandonment: “Who will take
care of me?”
C.
Especially sensitive to parents’ attitudes
(bitterness, sorrow, etc.)
D.
May try to be good so parents will reunite. This allows him to feel he has some control over
a chaotic environment.
E.
May try to become the missing parent/adult
in another effort to gain control over a confusing and mixed-up situation.
F.
Feelings of guilt (especially strong up to age
7) may cause child to deny the reality of the divorce or to offer unrealistic
explanations for the divorce.
8 TO 12 YEARS
A.
May demonstrate physical problems, irritability
and demanding
behavior.
B.
Directs feelings of anger at both
parents, especially at the one he/she currently views as the initiator (one to
blame) of the divorce. Often is critical
and blaming.
C.
Directs anger toward siblings and peers, which
isolates child just when he most needs support from others.
D.
Occasionally tries to reunite parents with bad
behavior which may require the parents to cooperate with each other. (i.e., poor school performance).
12 TO 18 YEARS
A.
Often has
difficulty due to the “rebellious: developmental stage.
B.
May be harsh, unsympathetic and may critically withdraw
from one or both parents.
C.
Sometimes takes sides with one parent
and becomes trapped in a loyalty dilemma.
D.
Later, may try to comfort each parent, in turn (“parenting
the parents”).
E.
May try to act as a mediator and attempt to talk
parents into a reconciliation.
F.
Embarrassment may lead to denial of divorce to
outsiders.
G.
Poor self-esteem and questions of personal “loveableness”
sometimes lead to acting out or promiscuous behavior.
H.
May take a generally pessimistic view of marriage
as a life style.
