Written by: Jack Kornfield

Love vs. Attachment

The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment masquerades as love. It says, “I will love this person because I need them.” Or, “I’ll love you if you’ll love me back. I’ll love you, but only if you will be the way I want.” This isn’t love at all – it is attachment – and unhealthy attachment is rigid; it is very different from love. When there is attachment, there is clinging and fear. Love allows, honors, and appreciates; attachment grasps, demands, needs, and aims to possess. If we examine our attachment with compassion, we can see how it is constricted and conditional; it offers love only to certain people in certain ways—it is exclusive. Love, in the sense of metta, used by the Buddha, is a universal, non-discriminating feeling of caring and connectedness. 

We may even love those whom we may not approve of or like. We may not condone their behavior, but we cultivate forgiveness. Love is a powerful force that transforms any situation. It is not passive acquiescence. As the Buddha said,

“Hatred never ceases through hatred.
Hatred only ceases through love.”

Love embraces all beings without exception, and discards ill will.

One of the most important questions we come to in spiritual practice is how to reconcile service and responsible action with a meditative life that fosters non-attachment, letting go—one that sees the emptiness of all conditioned things. Do the values that lead us to actively give, serve, and care for one another differ from the values that lead us on a journey of liberation and awakening?

To consider this question, we must learn to distinguish between the four radiant abodes, the description of the awakened heart —love, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity—and what might be called their “near enemies.” Near enemies may seem to be like these qualities and may even be mistaken for them, but they are not fundamentally alike. The near enemies depict how spirituality can be misunderstood or misused to separate us from life.

Wise spiritual life brings us to true connection. Instead of attachment, it grows with dedication and care, commitment and courage. It fosters genuine love (rather than attachment), compassion (rather than pity), joy (rather than jealousy), and equanimity (rather than indifference), and each of these beneficial qualities infuse our awareness. They enable us to open to and accept the truth of each moment, to feel our intimate connectedness with all things, and to see the wholeness of life. Whether we are sitting in meditation or sitting somewhere in protest, that is our spiritual practice in every moment.

This excerpt is taken from the book, “Bringing Home the Dharma: Awakening Right Where You Are”

 
 
 

© 2018 - All Rights Reserved. Jack Kornfield

TAKEN FROM:  CAROLINE MYSS

Except for the Grace of God Go I

I remember hearing that spiritual prayer of acknowledged gratitude over and over again while I was growing up. And I certainly heard the nuns say it. As a child, I loved the sound of that phrase because it was a phrase that seemed to hide a great jewel of wisdom. It was a type of treasure chest made of simple words that when strung together communicated a powerful truth. “Except for the grace of God go I.” It was apparent that those words conveyed some sort of profound meaning because I noticed how the nuns would nod their heads in a type of collective agreement after one of them uttered that phrase. Eventually I let go of my mission to crack through the deeper meaning of this phrase and got on with the business of growing up. I was about eight-years-old when I made that decision.

That phrase exploded out of the dust of my mental archives in my early thirties, right on time you might say. It was just one of those days, really, that starts out gorgeous but ends up being a game changer. That day was made for walking. So that's what I did. After a few hours, I got an iced-tea and sat on a bench to check messages and all that sort of thing. I didn't pay any notice at all to the guy who sat on the bench a few minutes later. Why would I? But, as I was about to find out, certainly noticed me.

He asked me if I would get him an iced tea. One glance told me he was homeless or en route to that crisis. I asked him if he wanted a sandwich, so long as I was getting him a cold drink. He did. I turned to leave as soon as I gave him his meal but then he said he hated to eat alone and would I mind just sitting with him. I was uncomfortable as all get out - I mean down to the pit of my stomach. But I was in a familiar park and it was day light and I knew I could run faster than him...so I figured, ugh....okay. UGH

He took one bite out of his sandwich, one gulp of his drink and said, "I know you want to get the hell away from me. I know you are uncomfortable as hell right now. You don't know me or anything about me. I'm a veteran. The war in my head won't stop. I just try to find quiet places now. That's all."

My heart hurt. I could feel the pain in my chest explode. My eyes filled with tears and all I could hear in my head was, "Except for the grace of God go I." I could have been sent to harm others or to face some type of horror. Or I could have witnessed nightmares early on, but I did not. I sat next to him and felt the whole of my life reshape itself into a simple but deeply meaningful prayer of gratitude and one of grace for the other. It is these moments, these tiny encounters that just show up out of nowhere, that are the purest expression of God in the small and present details of your life. This man changed my life. I have looked for him many times in the park near my home and have never seen him again - not to imply that he was "not of the Earth". We have yet to cross paths again, but I hope it does happen.

Through him, I entered into yet a deeper mystery about life but with so much gratitude about each day of my life. This is one of my own prayers:

I never know where I will find You or how You will speak to me. Some days it is through new person and other days it is through a new experience. Each day I become more aware of something I did not understand or realize before. I knew I should be grateful for all that I have but now I realize I should also be grateful for all that I do not have. For I do not have traumatic war memories and I do not have scars from being a refugee and I do not have the fear of a homeless person. I am grateful for all I have and for all I do not have. If I am grateful for having been spared a suffering, give me the grace to help those who are suffering. Amen”

REMEMBER...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Let us be grateful for our blessings!